Thursday, September 17, 2009

Gender Propaganda

It's all over the place, and chiefly created by women. Not because they need it or are more prone to it... most often it's simply because they can get away with it.

Sometimes they get a little too bold. Take a look at this one... I hope you'll excuse the slightly-tactful nudity.

The Intended Message:
- Size doesn’t matter. Everyone is beautiful.
- Men are too hard on us women. We women are too hard on ourselves.
- Looks are subjective and shouldn’t play a role in mate-selection.

What Men Think When They See This:
- Wow. Size does matter. Especially when you’re naked.
- What man actually goes for a 12? Ladies, we agree on the size 8 thing.
- Looks are objective. They’re gunna factor into my choices.

Of course, no one will ever point this out. It's not politically correct for women to be wrong about issues of self esteem. Men, of course, aren't cut the same slack.

If Men Were Dumb Enough To Try This:
- Size doesn’t matter. These are all good guys.
- Women expect too much. Men shouldn't worry about income.
- Finances don’t make a guy less desirable and shouldn’t be a relationship factor.

What Women Think When They See This:
- Jake... Cadillac, 3,000 sq ft, shoes.
- Tom... Mid-size, 2,000 sq ft, shoes.
- Chad... Minivan, rented apartment, shoes.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Double Standards

Ah, this brings me back... to so many conversations.

(credit to reckless tortuga, )

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Word of the Day

vi∙cious \’vi-shes\ (adj): (1) Dangerously aggressive, marked by violence or ferocity, (2) any interaction between two or more women.

Most of you guys probably suspected this already.

If only for lack of comparison, most of you women probably didn’t.

For all the talk about women’s civilizing affect on men, for all the snide comments about the female gender bring refinement and peace to barbaric, war-like men – there is no match in the male psyche for the hostile, competitive, and utterly limitless fury women are capable of amongst themselves.

Men, barring the involvement of religion, tend to follow some sort of code - the “bro code,” chivalric honor, the Geneva Convention, etc. Only in the worst of all violations will two men come to blows – and blows having been had, most are content to walk away the respective winner or loser.

In the female mind, hostility towards fellow women is both unanimous and omnipresent. There is no “bra code,” and no one has lived to tell the extent to which a woman pursue vengeance and jealousy’s demands.

Proof, in the form of practical application… Behold, this makeshift diagram of a social setting – a club or party or some such thing:

Below is that same scene – through the eyes of a newly arrived man:

Right. Very predictable. Every guy, upon entering a room, will scan his immediate surroundings and identify (a.) all of the women of comparable age, and (b.) rank them according to attractiveness and “get-ability.” The duration of his time in the room will be spent trying to woo the prettiest girl within his league.

Now let’s take a look at what a woman would see upon arriving:

Women, you know this is true. Guys, if you don’t believe me – ask your sisters or girlfriends or wives.

The first thing a woman does upon entering a room is check out the other women. She identifies (a.) which ones are of comparable age, and (b.) ranks them according to attractiveness in relation to her perception of her own beauty. As a secondary thought, she may scan the room to identify the good looking guys – but the pecking order is supreme and she will actively seek out women who are less attractive and below her status… she needs to dominate, look good by comparison, and only then will the question of “most eligible man” come in to play.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Since No One Else Has Told You: THAT'S ANNOYING

So no, I’m not gone forever. Just returned from a week of work-related conferences. You know how that goes – boring lectures on productivity and technology integration.

Only slightly less expect was a lecture Tuesday evening on “Taking Women Seriously in The Workplace.” Despite a badly worded title, the content was entirely predictable. It had a lot less to do with how women were to be treated as industrial equals, and a lot more to do with how my having-of-a-penis made me more likely to irrationally discount people who didn’t share in such a troublesome groin condition.

But whatever, right? After years of sexual oppression, women have the right to be a little uptight and to demand workplace legitimacy.

So I walked out of the session determined to say nothing of it on this blog. That is, until I was approached by a fellow conference attendee. She seemed a normal sort – your typical, mid-twenties, single female. That is, until I noticed (and managed to cell-photograph) her nametag:

“Hi,” she said, extending her hand with the sort of sass that can only come from years of pretending to have a personality, “my name is Jenny.”

Noticing my inevitable confusion at her badge, she explained, undoubtedly for the thousandth, glee-filled time of the night, “The ‘H’ is silent, but ironic.”

The day may yet come when I hit a woman.

Ladies, I may chide you in future posts for your frequent and inaccurate delusions of male oppression and chauvinism – but if you ever feel like a man is failing to take you seriously, you have my permission to trust your instincts.

I know, it’s the 10-90% of you that give the other 90-10% a bad name. That’s always how it goes.

But there is an unmistakable and direct connection between the glamorization of artificial and needlessly (unbelievably) quirky personalities and the last few generations of women in our society.

To put things less delicately, you women have become obsessed with eccentric, “cutesy” facade... and it has GOT TO STOP, DAMMIT.

It’s a bid for attention, we all know that – either because you think your life experiences have made you deep or because you know they haven’t. What’s far more annoying is that you seem convinced that a.) it will actually succeed in drawing the attention you want, and b.) that you actually deserve any of the attention you get.

I’m not the kind of person who likes to brandish the ‘ole “people are dying of AIDS in Africa” shtick every time someone starts having a good time. But seriously, people are dying of AIDS in Africa. Pull yourself together; throw out your berets and skinny jeans and that god-awful pink handkerchief-and-matching-water-bottle. Wondering how you’ll get friends? …stop acting like a hopelessly introverted dipshit.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Word of the Week

com∙plex \kam-pleks\ (adj): (1) A term used by the uninformed and na├»ve to describe extremely bitchy women.

There's a lie going around, and it looks something like this:

Interesting fact - the women who propagate that idea tend to act a lot more like this:

Now, no one should ever say the only thing that interests women is money. I mean, yes, it's one thing they want – but insane wealth is also one thing most men want. Truth be told, most men and women are driven by relatively small sets of comparable cravings: financial stability, strength, small waistlines.

THE SAD TRUTH: Ladies, the myth that you’re somehow more complex and mysterious than men hurts you more than it hurts guys. Here’s why:

(1) It makes men hate you. A lot. And that’s not fair to you – when guys go for girls that are hot and ignore the fugly chick with the great personality, everyone just rolls their eyes. But if you dump the poor-but-tender-hearted Lit major for the jock with a Camaro, everyone labels you a gold-digging skank. Why? It’s not that wanting a rich man is worse than a wanting a size 8 woman - it’s that you’ve got men convinced you’re an objective, soul-assessing, equal-opportunity lover… when you’re actually just human.

(2) It makes you hate you. A lot. There’s a reason women tend towards emotion incontinence more then men these days: you have no idea who-the-hell you are. It’s like everyone says: you tell a lie long enough, you start believing it yourself. And women have been claiming romantic objectivity for generations. The hilarious/depressing thing is that most of you actually believe it. And looking back over a trail of bad decisions and broken hearts caused by urges you never knew you had… well, it’s like waking up and discovering you’re Tara Reid.

(3) Guys know their weaknesses – sex, big-boobs, brown-eyes. So when one of those things presents itself, they’re able to take any necessary corrective actions / ask important questions… “is she a total bitch?” “is this worth my career?” But gals – you’re almost inevitably caught off-guard. And blindsided with what you really want through the fog of what you THINK you want – you tend to crash from one abusive, exploitive encounter to the next – like a very, very drunk Helen Keller at a Greenday concert.

Trust me, I know how you feel. I’ve been around plenty boobs and brown-eyes that made me want to quit my job and spend the rest of my life with some crazy wench. Most guys have been there.

Do what we do: take a cold shower.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Thank you, feminism.

...for another destructive misunderstanding.

THE BACKGROUND: For hundred of years, women were happy being beautiful and elegant. Men were happy being strong and brave. These qualities being attractive to each other's genders, love and marriage often followed.

Those men who were not strong and brave tried to learn or became gynecologists.

Those women who were not beautiful and elegant started feminism.

THE PROBLEM: Since these women were neither beautiful nor elegant, and had no interest in becoming so, they decided to fuck up the whole system by renaming everything. "Strength" became "chauvinist-tyranny." "Beauty" became "slutty." And liking beauty was renamed "objectifying."

But feminism wasn't content to make everything confusing as hell. After all, "female-empowerment" isn't about gender equality. It's about... well, female power.

So to make women not only "as-good-as" but, in fact, "better" than men - the last few generations have been raised by the following creed:

"(A) Sex and sexuality are base creations of the male desire for control. Men who want sex are therefore less respectable than men who pretend not to. (B) Women are not sexually motivated and never have been. We like it alright, but we choose our partners in more sophisticated ways - personality, character, and depth of friendship."

THE IMPACT: Today's men have grown up thinking this is how women see men--

When in reality, women basically see men like this --

What does that get us? A society full of men, afraid to "make a move" for fear they haven't gotten high enough on the "friends" scale - and women who act shocked when their guy-bff's wind up broken-hearted.

This post is in preemption of the upcoming movie, "The Ugly Truth." Credit for the first image and impending shit-storm of female misunderstanding and Gerard Butler obsession belongs entirely to the film.